Whether you’re married, living together or in some other type of committed relationship, it’s important to have good communications about relationship issues. This might include how to parent the kids, life goals, finances and so on. In many surveys, money is included in the list of topics that can be difficult for couples. For example, marriage.com lists money as the number two reason for divorce.
Okay, so it’s important, how should we approach it? Well, the answer to that is as varied as we are, but there are some approaches that are often successful.
For starters, try a financial date. Yep, set aside some time when the two of you are alone and relaxed. If one of you isn’t a morning person, then don’t try it then. If you’ve set a date and one of you had a terrible day, reschedule your date. You might want to talk over brunch or just get together at home. And don’t expect to align your financial thinking in just one session. I recommend that couples have a meeting about finances at least monthly. (More frequently if circumstances require it – such as an upcoming large expenditure.)
The keys to having this conversation are the same principles used for any effective communications. Approach things seeking to understand your partner’s feelings about money and don’t criticize them or attempt to change them. Stephen Covey, author of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, describes this as seek first to understand and then to be understood. You’ve probably heard another principle from the 7 Habits — seek a win-win solution. That is, employ understanding and compromise to search for financial goals that are shared. (You may not know that Stephen actually said seek a win-win or no-deal solution. Basically, he means don’t barge ahead with a plan that isn’t agreeable to both people.)
There are lots of ways to start these conversations, but often it involves talking about the future you want together. The financial aspect of obtaining this future comes after agreeing on what your shared future looks like. If your spouse is having trouble getting started on this, you can easily kick things off. Simply ask them if they could change one thing in how you handle money, what would it be? In addition, it’s often useful and fun to associate some kind of reward with getting started. Maybe go out for a nice meal, see a movie that’s been on your list or do something else that’s a treat for both of you.
It’s not uncommon to identify some money matters that are tricky to work through. For example, one of you may want to spend more on enjoying life now and the other may feel better by saving more money for the future. There are two key guides to working through this. First, spend some time understanding why your partner feels the way they do. Was it because of how their family of origin handled money or maybe something else? Second, keep in mind that even when people start out with opposing positions, there is normally considerable middle ground to explore.
After these high-empathy, goal-alignment conversations, you can get down to the nitty gritty. What’s a basic budget look like? Can you set up automatic deposits to move towards significant financial goals such as buying your first home?
If, after your best efforts, you’re still struggling a bit with this (or any other) aspect of your financial life, we’d be pleased to discuss your particular situation in a no-charge, no-obligation initial meeting. Just visit our website or give us a call at 970.419.8212 to learn more.
This article is for informational purposes only. This website does not provide tax or investment advice, nor is it an offer or solicitation of any kind to buy or sell any investment products. Please consult your tax or investment advisor for specific advice.